Only when you're lonely
by bballlove
Summary: Just a one shot between Sam & Andy. An extended ending to this seasons finale. IMPROVED.


Thanks to my current love affair with Bruno Mars I was inspired and ended up writing this Sam/Andy fic based around one of his songs. I definitely suggest giving it a listen before or while you read this. =) I hope you enjoy it! I love reviews, good or bad, lemme' hear it! Thanks =)

****

_Only when you're lonely- Bruno Mars_

_Here I am again_  
_doing things i said that i wouldn't do_  
_it's 3 am and i'm rushing out the door to see you_  
_(see you, see you, see you)_  
_waiting (waiting) all day (all day)_  
_but now you wanna call me_

_why do (why do)_  
_you do this to me all the time_

_After all the things you put me through_  
_ooh still i come right back_  
_but now i know the truth_  
_i can finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely (lonely)_  
_if i say i'm gonna leave_  
_that's the only time you want me (want me)_  
_next time you need me there i won't make it_  
_another late night call i won't take it_  
_cos now i finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely_  
_only when you're lonely, lonely_  
_only when you're lonely_  
_only when you're lonely, lonely_  
_only when you're lonely_

_Had me fooled from the start_  
_and i quickly gave my heart_  
_cos i love you, love you, love you_  
_but this is what happens when you're a lonely girl_  
_with no one to touch you (touch you, touch you)_  
_now i'm stronger don't need you any longer_  
_so get off your knees_  
_your words don't mean anything_

_After all the things you put me through_  
_ooh still i come right back_  
_but now i know the truth_  
_i can finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely (lonely)_  
_if i say i'm gonna leave_  
_that's the only time you want me (want me)_  
_next time you need me there i won't make it_  
_another late night call i won't take it_  
_cos now i finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely_

_Oh nothing's ever changing_  
_decisions you can't make it_  
_you just think of yourself_  
_and never me at all_  
_if you're with your friend_  
_you just leave me alone_  
_but i won't allow it anymore_  
_so it's stuck on me to move on_

_Cos i can finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely (lonely)_  
_if i say i'm gonna leave_  
_that's the only time you want me (want me)_  
_next time you need me there i won't make it_  
_another late night call i won't take it_  
_cos now i finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely_  
_only when you're lonely, lonely_  
_only when you're lonely_  
_only when you're lonely, lonely_  
_only when you're lonely_

_I can finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely (lonely)_  
_if I say I'm gonna leave_  
_that's the only time you want me (want me)_  
_next time you need me there i won't make it_  
_another late night call i won't take it_  
_cos now i finally see_  
_you only want me when you're lonely ****_

(ANDYS POV)

_She hit play on her Ipod and was out the door before her body could even muster an argument. She was literally running on empty. She had only managed to get a few hours of sleep the night before, and after the day she had, her body really couldn't expect sleep to come easily._

_Physically yes, she was exhausted, although she was fully aware of the adrenaline still coursing through her veins, causing her hands to tremble as the swung by at her side. Mentally yes, also fatigued. As a person whom generally avoided making life changing decisions, she had been racking them up, making enough over the last two days to last her a lifetime. She was unsure of each and everyone she had made, and now she needed to hear that she had made the right ones._

_Her entire body was now in full protest as she ran, her legs aching, her back tensing up quite nicely, her head beginning to follow the pounding rhythm of her feet. As she inhaled deeply, the dark cool air stinging her nostrils, her eyes started to slowly fill with unshed tears. She knew where she was headed, she knew that she shouldn't be going, but there was nothing in her power she could do to resist. Nothing. Why did she always do this to him? It was late, he had a life of his own, but he was the only one who could tell her what she needed to hear. Hearing it from the man in her bed should have been enough, yet it wasn't, she was still unsure._

_He would still be up, she knew him well enough to know that he would be awake, suffering, just as she was. He must have known, just like she had, that the kiss they shared was a final goodbye._

_Cramp. Breath. Just breathe._

_He had been scared, terrified even, and when she had seen that in his eyes, something he couldn't hide from her, she had almost broken down. But she had been strong, for him. He had never failed her, and she dammed sure wouldn't have dreamt of letting him down, she had been strong for him. Put her life in immediate, real, life and death, danger…For him. Why? If he knew what she had done, he would never forgive her, that she was sure of._

_Leg cramp. Shit. Breathe. Breathe. She wished he didn't live so far, or at least up so many hills. Maybe it was a good thing, she still didn't know what she would say when she got there._

_She would apologize for everything, for not telling him that she would soon be moving in with Luke, about giving him the cold shoulder all those times, about relying on him for everything. No one deserved that kind of pressure, especially not him._

_She hit the shuffle button on her Ipod, now was no time for the Goo Goo Dolls._

_Maybe she would apologize for picking the man she did, although she didn't know what she would say. She didn't need to give him an explanation, he had never asked, but he deserved one. Luke was everything she had ever wanted, she had made the right choice for once hadn't she? She had finally found someone who loved her, really cared about her and her well being. Someone who knew what she was thinking before she said it, who was always proud of her, and who believed she was capable of anything. Someone who always had her back, even when she was too wrapped up in herself to realize it. She had found something, and someone incredible, and she'd be stupid to let it go._

_Wait, is she explaining this to Luke or to Sam? She stopped, arms up. Breathe. Deep breathes. Was she apologizing for making the right choice, or the wrong one? This wasn't helping to clear her mind at all, it was worse then when she had set out. She should turn around now, but she was so close. This was supposed to be simple, she only deserved one man in her life and just when she had come to a decision her eyes were forced open._

_Of course this would happen to her, her life had never been easy. Significantly less complicated, but never easy. This wasn't going to be an explanation, her well rehearsed apology wasn't going to happen, she was letting it all go. She had nearly lost him tonight, and in that almost lost herself. She couldn't let that happen ever again._

_His door. Breathe. Breathe._

_This was going to be a confession, one that she had been suppressing for a long time coming, one that explained everything, one that he deserved._

_Knock, knock. Breathe._

_It's you Sam, it's always been you from the very start. You scare me and its taken me this long to accept that._

_Knock, knock._

_My head told my heart to you let you go, but my heart is telling my heart this time no. I love you Sam._

_Knock, knock._

_Please._

_Knock, knock._

_It's you, I love you._

_****_

(SAMS POV)

_With his Ipod drowning out the cities 3am noises he was in a rhythm now, his strides long and relaxed, his arms swaying in a beautiful harmony with his pounding footsteps._

_He hadn't even tried to sleep, he had been a cop long enough to know that it wasn't worth his effort after a night like tonight. Nothing hurt, he wasn't even tired, all good signs. There was enough adrenaline still pumping through him to get him there, and hopefully home. It was a cold night, the air tickling the back of his throat, he would be thankful if she let him in._

_She would still be up, he knew her better then he would ever admit, and if he was up, so was she. He had been a little disappointed that she hadn't called, she always called. He always answered, and he was always there for her, and tonight she hadn't called, a night when he needed to talk for once. So he took it upon himself, he hadn't remembered her place being so far._

_Sharp pain in his calf. Breathe. Breathe._

_He was frustrated to say the least, he should be happy she hadn't called, that meant she didn't need him. He should be relieved that Luke finally coming to his senses and doing his job._

_When he had needed her tonight she had been there, they had both survived, thanks to her. She had put his safety above her own, dammit she was so selfish sometimes. She had turned her back on an armed criminal, putting herself in extreme danger, disregarding her own well being for him. He would never be able to forgive her for that. He could take care of himself, maybe not tonight, maybe she had saved his life tonight, but she's the one who needed protecting. If something would have happened to her…_

_His back tensed up. Charlie horse, great. Breathe. Arms up, breathe._

_He needed to tell her that she had made the right decisions, he didn't agree with them, any of them, but they were the right ones. She would want to hear that, she needed too._

_The kiss, what did the kiss mean? Was it a goodbye, an apology, he didn't know. He had been scared, she hadn't noticed, he didn't know what was coming next and he hadn't liked his odds, it was a goodbye. But from her, it felt a lot like an apology, which scared him even worse, he had almost broken down. But he had put on a brave front, for her._

_She was moving in with Callaghan, she had said yes, taken a major step forward, and had chosen not to tell him. It hurt, who did she think she was protecting? He hadn't been fighting for her hard enough, that was apparent now._

_He couldn't breathe. In, out. In, out. Breathe._

_The exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks, he was done. It was beginning to take a toll on him, emotionally he was struggling to stay afloat. He had never been a weak person, but he couldn't deal with coming in second any longer. In order to survive this needed to happen._

_He had requested a new partner, he couldn't have her being reckless with her life ever again, not for him. Especially when she wasn't his to keep. She would be upset with him for leaving her, but he needed to do this…If he wanted to survive, because he was sinking fast. He would still be here for her, but he was done answering every call, rushing to her side, reassuring her at every fault, it hurt too much._

_He regretted not telling her how he felt tonight, when there noses were touching and he had once again felt that spark between the two of them. Maybe it would have made a difference, or maybe not, but he couldn't risk being broken when he had already been consumed by fear._

_Leg cramp. Dammit. Breathe. Just breathe._

_He had made up his mind before he had set out, he had intended for this to be a confession, an apology. He had intended to put up one last fight for her heart, convincing her that she couldn't move in with Callaghan because it would destroy him, and her. He would tell her that he had understood the deeper meaning behind there kiss, and that he could never say goodbye, he couldn't. And finally he would tell her that he loved her, he had from the start, it had always been her._

_Her door. Breathe. In, out. Breathe._

_No, that couldn't happen now. This needed to be an explanation, he owed it to her because she deserved to be happy, and he owed it to himself, because so did he. Knock, knock._

_He couldn't do it anymore. She had made her decision, his efforts were being wasted and he was burnt out._

_Knock, knock._

_His well rehearsed confession would never happen, he was moving on, she shouldn't count on him anymore._

_Knock, knock._

_He loved her too much, so he was walking away. I'm done Andy for good, I'm done._

__


End file.
